Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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