You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
