im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
