Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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