I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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