Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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