Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
