Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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