I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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