Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize