Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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