just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
