its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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