I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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