dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
