The beer is more important than you right now.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize