she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
