my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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