My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
