omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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