it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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