You did not just play the dead husband card again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
