Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
