Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
