My liver just broke up with me...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
