the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
