what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
