we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
