you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize