Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
