You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
