there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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