Where is the hickey?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
