Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
