trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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