I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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