five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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