how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
