sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
