Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
