I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
