Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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