Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Enjoy the penises
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
