I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
