Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
