Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
