There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
