Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
