You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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