never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
