I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
