were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need a beard to bite.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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