So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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