Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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