mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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