I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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