dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
