I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
