Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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