You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
