JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
