I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize