Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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