Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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