Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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