I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
