I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
