fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
