I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize