"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
