my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
