I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
