Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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