I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
