just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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