did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize