I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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