You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
