Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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