last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
