We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
