You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
