Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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