Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
