Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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